Day 14. Community

Community Event: Walking to remember

Being tapped into the bereavement community is so important to me. Sure it's an exclusive club where no one really wants to be a member, however it can be such a great support network. It is nice to have people who understand what you are going through-losing a child is such an unique experience and unless you have been there chances are you won't understand. It doesn't mean outsiders don't want to or don't try but sometimes you need to talk to people who have been through the situation and can offer insight without judgement. Also sometimes the subject of our children can be too painful and uncomfortable for others to hear about so its nice to have a place to go where you can talk freely even if its to say your child's name.  I find it takes off some of the burden and strain off my existing relationships. Sometimes it can be frustrating on both ends: you want your friends to understand and your friends just want you to be okay. This can put expectations on the relationship that aren't really fair. I have the most supportive friends and family but I can't get annoyed at them because I feel they're trying to get me to move on too fast and they get annoyed at me for appearing mopey all the time.  I have infact lost a few friendships on this journey because we were unable to see eye to eye.

I'm in a number of online communities on facebook.  One is "I am a mother of an angel". Here I can connect with bereaved parents around the world and share photos and stories.  Its a closed group so I can do so without worrying about what other people on my friends list may think.  They also have a group for parents like me that have lost and gone on to have more surviving children.  Here we can swap parenting advice and concerns that stem from our life experiences.
I also attended Empty Cradle in New West.  There I found tons of support and have made some very close friends.  One is branching out and starting her own organization that aims on helping out the community.  This Sunday we actually attended a walk she organized, I'm more than proud of what she has accomplished!